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Witchtopher Columbus

by Presto Bando

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1.
San Francisco 02:26
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well I took a train to see a bullfrog and a brand new San Franciscan cause I knew my baby she went over there today and she took my brain with her when she left to become one of those brand new San Franciscan kind of ladies so what you gonna do when you see a mule standing right there on the side of the road watch you gonna do if you see the yuletide coming in the got dang center of June nobody knows except for the bullfrogs oh yeah and maybe my baby well let me tell you this the crickets will chirp in the wintertime if they are around a fireplace no the logs won't crackle no they really won't crackle if they're left outside in a mother fucking rainstorm come on and check out me because I've got a little tic toc tic toc tic toc tic to me because I know just when to scream because my baby left with my brain to become a brand new San Franciscan giddy up I say to the pick up truck in front of me giddy up man you better giddy up man he's moving all sorts of rocks in my way giddy up I say to the pick up truck in front of me he turns around and says "guess what? San Francisco ain't this way!" I say you better giddy up you pick up truck I am on my way to San Francisco gonna see a bullfrog gonna see a yuletide maybe even see a mule you better giddy up you pick up truck I am on my way to San Francisco gonna see a bullfrog gonna see a yuletide maybe even a mule maybe my baby too maybe she kept my brain maybe she kept it cool maybe it's preserved maybe I can use it again maybe I wouldn't have used it again anyway
2.
Headwind 02:55
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headwind of the world deep headwind of the world sweet headwind of the world unite, unite, unite now keep on blowing act just like a preserving quicklime headwind slow my rising credit slow the split I see coming with my wife slow the peace process and nuclear friendship act just like a preserving quicklime all my sisters singing it headwind of the world deep headwind of the world sweet headwind of the world unite, unite, unite now keep on blowing act just like a preserving quicklime headwind I can tell when I'm in it well why's that? because it's always then my eyes start to dry but besides this it also air conditions and reminds us of the comforts of life all the sailors singing it headwind of the world deep headwind of the world sweet headwind of the world unite, unite, unite now keep on blowing act just like a preserving quicklime oh my baby's singing it you have the most deepest sweet they are the most sweetest cheeks I say push back against the waves of new senses I say push back against the spirals and gyres oh the swirling serpents they eat their tails on purpose they are making fun of fantasy horizons all my babies telling me headwind of the world deep headwind of the world sweet headwind of the world unite, unite, unite now keep on blowing act just like a preserving quicklime oh my sister's singing it you have the most deepest sweet they are the most sweetest cheeks all the sailors singing it tell me sister this
3.
I Gave 02:56
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put all my money in the bank collected my change listened to it jangle 'round my pocket all day very ominously then I stand in line I play the keno, play the horse race, play the lottery man I gave that is when I gave stacked some books on the top of my head not too many just enough to prevent passage through my own conventional doorway so I started to have to bend my legs that is when I gave that's when I gave man I knew I would give soon man I knew I'd buckle I'd yield I would yield I would preformeth the ritual put all of my eggs into one basket this girl she claimed she could save my soul and make me into a good person and I thought for a while I could maybe go along with it erase some things I did balance karmic spirits so I gave that is when I gave then I watched all of my plants die real slowly I forgot that perennials, annuals, biennials camouflage themselves as regular looking I waited for their return but they never returned again that is when I gave that is when I gave man I knew I would give soon man I knew I'd buckle I'd yield I would yield I would preformeth the ritual
4.
Long Hair 02:56
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long hair on my shoulders long hair on my knees well do they ring them bells loud when they bend do they kiss the ground all I want to have is really long hair grow, fold on the top of my shoulder mothers and their babies may excuse themselves this one rare time to help you wake your roots up from centuries of exhaustion wave your arms around some make the faster that you breathe become the faster that you meet your maker actually in person when I am underneath it the stronger I will feel all I want to have is long hair on my shoulders what I want is long hair down to my shoulders what I want is long hair down to my knees what I want is long hair to my feet no don't step on it please make my flesh all rosy, yes the sun may chap my cheeks and squint my lids but I shall move onward more strongly underneath it porch just used for sitting come and wind around my house and keep it wrapped like a skirt bottom that doesn't get wet with rain flooding poke and dot the pony come and run against the mist of sea and stream and long blades green with specks of dew yellow like honey when I am underneath it the stronger I will feel all I want to have is really long hair that grows and folds on the top of my shoulders long hair on my shoulders long hair on my knees what I want is long hair down to my shoulders what I want is long hair down to my knees what I want is long hair to my feet no don't step on it please
5.
Wrap One 03:20
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me and my baby ride around in our small carriage stand up make it a chariot horse comes to a quick stop she falls forward and I grab her top and it rips off yeah we make love right there me and my baby ride around in our small carriage everywhere we go they roll out the red carpet horse comes to a quick stop she falls forward and I grab her top and it rips off yeah we make love right there we get off then we do it again one more time so that she don't forget wrap one brother me and my baby ride around in circles keep people waiting when suddenly appears a new spirit goo-goo ga-ga goo-goo ga-ga goo-goo ga-ga ga-ga I try to communicate with but all it can do is burp and shit but eventually I will learn to be its friend me and my baby and my baby spend some time together act like a real family horses mimic our similar speech patterns but then the baby's carriage goes off course it skips college then it gets a divorce and all we can do is watch and regret we retire and then reach the horizon and we had a kid that couldn't do shit what I know is that I have to grow a damn kid but the reason isn't clear yet so I have to keep it wrapped for a bit wrap one brother me and my baby ride around in our carriage stand up make it a chariot horse comes to a quick stop she falls forward and I grab her top and it rips off yeah we make love right there we get off and we do it again one more time so that we don't forget lets make love until we reach horizon
6.
Ice Cream Man 03:15
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walk down the street and I cause such a panic I did not know that I was your ice cream man so I walk through a park observed many a picnic I become the very center of their attention just me and my cart my ice cold heart just crack my top but oh no man it's too late I melted away I lost all my shape most people must work for this but I don't have to I'm blessed call up my priest to get a second kind of opinion he concurred he said "oh yes sir" I am your ice cream man I said of this illness can you please name me just one of them symptoms "one with very icy kind of disposition" but it's okay, no wait it's too late I melted away I lost all my shape I'm in a puddle yeah so what I'm way way way way way past my best I'm just a nuisance I am the purest whitest kind of fur left exposed out in the warmer climates I am the bluest kind of pain left on the lips of someone that's fallen and drowned in the ice grab him up by the loose end pull him out thread by thread by thread factory [dis]assembly what do you get the one big knot what does that mean the body is lost should've given up my coat but I took all the heat and I melted away I lost all my shape most people must work for this but I don't have to I'm blessed
7.
Oh So Are You Sir 03:27
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well I was floating through outer space one day when this little martian, you know, came up and passed me by and I stopped and I asked him his life story and he told me just what you would expect from just a passerby he said oh so are you sir, how sure are you sir, oh sir are you sure so I sort of followed this martian home and let me tell you it was a very strange place where he lived they kept all of their dogs in their front lawns on chains but then it turned out all of these dogs were really their women they barked at me oh so are you sir, how sir are you sure, oh sir are you sure well then I stopped in at one of their dens just for a quick nap, you know, and a bite to eat I didn't notice that some festival night had just began so I observed their festivities all of, well mostly, through the night til one of these dog faced women, these intergalactic roses, came up and caught the lime green martian light and whispered to me oh so are you sir, how so are you sure, oh sir are you sure and the dance floor cleared take my hand if you can though I certainly understand if you cannot be with a simple, ugly, earthly human man well I guess you can say that we had some kids she wanted to stay on her planet I wanted to go back to where my parents and my friends lived we had the first bit of being in the universe to be of two particular alien species we had the first bit of being in the universe to be actually worth meeting
8.
Side Roads 02:47
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I took the side roads I took my own route I took my time I was leaving my life and all of its hassles I thought I could change my latitude line so I up and left mine man I left with no escort I left with no concern I left with no wife no blinking light sign no I took the side roads I took my own route took my time the young almuerzo the young almuerzan the young luncher sits by himself and he wonders if all of his bonds all of his bonds really had to be broken the young almuerzo the young almuerzan the young luncher forgets his tray and has to carry all his food items like they are his little baby animal children which one of em will he eat first I took the side roads took my own route took my time I was leaving my life and all of its hassles I thought I could change my longitude line so I up and left mine man I left with no escort I left with no concern I left with no wife no blinking light sign man I took the side road I took my roots out I took my time the young almuerzo the young almuerzan the young luncher sits by himself and he wonders if all of his bonds all of his bonds really had to be broken the young almuerzo the young almuerzan the young luncher forgets his tray and has to carry all his food items like they are his little baby animal children which one of em will he eat first
9.
Hit a Deer and Die 05:07
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well I would rather hit a deer and die than hit it and have it die and have me survive cause that would be letting me know that it's all gonna, we're all gonna I'm all gonna die too well I would rather hit a dog and die than hit it and have to watch it seethe and writhe and decide if I had to kill it or if I could just drive away and kick out the dent and have the car look like it's brand new though I would rather hit a dog than a wife stirring quaker oats like some sort of homebody archetype just like in some people's dreams and other people's imaginations well I would rather hit a thing rolling than one that happens to be walking or a four-legged chasing after stuff and happenstance well I would rather hit a deer and die than hit it and have it die and then have me survive cause that would be letting me know that it's all gonna, we're all gonna I'm all gonna die too I would rather hit a cursing type while he's circled by young families who of course then go on to pardon him I would rather hit a raucous like than cause a ruckus by picking on the quiet man well I would rather hit the sin than drive it to where it thinks it can win some of that spontaneous, immediate, instantaneous pleasure well I would rather hit a pop fly than a lousy little ground out little dribbler little bunt to the pitcher or a foul ball off my footwear and then both the ump and the catcher laugh at my emasculation laugh at my emasculation laugh at my emasculation hit a deer and die hit it and have it die that's right then have me survive cause that would be letting me know that it's all gonna, we're all gonna I'm all gonna die too I would rather cap some short suspense with a real small let down than have a fall from the absolute highest of man-made creation I would rather rush a fortress than be left fort-less when the invaders come to portion up my maps I would rather charge a bug his life for blurring my view with lines of his entrails drawn out parabolically by my windshield wipers I would rather salt a plate with the head chef that happens to be watching than be salted for being the slug that I am I would rather hit a deer and die than hit it and have it die that's right and then have me survive cause that would be letting me know that it's all gonna, we're all gonna I'm all gonna die too
10.
Energy 02:44
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fixed up my bathtub I paid all my rent and they're changing my energy through what I want to know is will it be changing my bill I've been setting the table man I've been careful I'm keeping a real light footprint I thought they were just cleaning our energy through no by cleaning it they are also changing it too I don't care I will be sailing across the most greatest the most widest the most sea salted ocean with a solar powered motor I will be there rowing on my pencil oars home fixed up my bathtub I said I been payin' my rent they're trying to change my TV antenna too even though I don't really care about having some sort of HD digital signal I been settin' the table man I've been keeping a real light footprint I bet your carbon footprint is really huge I would also like to see the size of your energy bill I don't care I will be sailing across the most greatest the most widest the most sea salted ocean with a solar powered motor I will be there rowing on my pencil oars home that's right if you need me baby come and find me that's where I'll be
11.
Life Without End 02:55
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now let me ask you this do catfish have pups? said that I don't know now do the rhinestones help you to polish off some sort of love? well I don't know that either but what I do know is that I just want just a little tiny bit of life without end what I need are some cubes of cheese what I'm gonna do is put them in the microwave, melt them then use them to grease up my knees because I have been having a lot of trouble each and every time I have tried to begin walking let me ask you this now are genies really blue persian men? or are they different than that? are they more like Shaq in the movie Kazaam? or are they more like the I Dream of Genie types of blonde women? well I asked you before do the catfish have pups? I said that I don't know now do the rhinestones help you to polish off some sort of love? I don't know that either but what I do know is that I just want just a tincy tiny life without end

credits

released December 4, 2013

Produced and Recorded by Emanuel Pires
Mixed by Marco Delmar
Wrap One and Hit a Deer and Die mixed by Emanuel Pires
Mastered by Mike Monseur

All Songs Written and Performed by Presto Bando:
Brandon Ables - vocals, guitar, drums, synth guitar, sax, piano, sitar
Corey Shinko - bass, vocals, synth, synth bass

Guest vocals on Wrap One by Natalia Laura Pires

Recorded March-June 2013 at The Sable in Annandale, VA
Mixed at Recording Arts in Fairfax, VA
Mastered at Bias Studios in Springfield, VA

Special thanks to Witchtina Aguilera, Witchard Burton, and Christian Witchmen everywhere...Unite!

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Presto Bando Washington, D.C.

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